Good Girl Gang Story of the Month

Hey it’s Hannah! 

I’m so beyond grateful for the opportunity to share a part of my story and how God has completely transformed and changed me from the inside out. Only He could heal and satisfy my heart!! 

I grew up in Virginia, close to Washington, DC in a family of five. From the earliest I can remember I knew about Jesus; my family and I went to church every Sunday. I knew all the Bible stories and songs growing up and that God was real, yet I didn’t have a personal relationship with Him until MUCH much later on in life. Throughout the years I was just piggybacking off my parents relationship with God and not actively seeking or forming my own relationship with Him. Jesus just seemed like an amazing, kind person that obviously died for me, so He must have really loved me a lot. Right?? But at the end of the day that information didn’t mean much to me. I didn’t have a full revelation of who Jesus was and ALL that He did for me and the whole human race. I didn’t know the REAL Jesus, just the westernized version of Jesus. The one that we see in paintings and we believe that He’s there watching us and floating around like some magical genie that will make sure our lives are perfect.  

I had that viewpoint for most of my childhood. I believed God was real, that He loved us but didn’t engage in our lives, because if He did then why would He have allowed my mom to get extremely ill and almost die when I was ten years old? Why would He have allowed me to get hurt and bullied by people that were supposed to be my friends? Etc. The list always goes on and on. I’m sure we all have a list of our own, because we live in a fallen world. He, God, is still all together good and perfect though. Looking back on my childhood I was extremely blessed and God really protected me from a lot… even though I wasn’t pursuing Him in high school as well.. He never left my side. He didn’t leave my side when I quickly put people, friendships and relationships above Him on the altar. 

Since I didn’t have Jesus at the center for most of my life I allowed thoughts from the enemy to come. Thoughts about how I was worthless, incompetent, unseen, ugly and not good enough. The enemy came into many vulnerable and hard moments throughout growing up with straight up lies that really got cemented into my head for most of my life. I believed that I needed to be good enough, pretty enough, smart enough to be seen, loved and accepted. That mentality lead me to find my worth and identity in a long 5 year unhealthy relationship that was so emotionally taxing on me. When you have any romantic relationship that doesn’t have Christ at the center and if two broken people come together then you are bound to hurt and get hurt by one another. 

I learned so much through those 5 years. The ages of 17-22 are such pivotal moments in a young adults life. If your life isn’t rooted and grounded in Jesus and the word, then you will ultimately be in the world and not with God. I’m sharing all of this because I want to share about how God completely saved and transformed my life! During those college years I was living in rebellion. I knew I needed to end the relationship earlier into it but I didn’t want to. This guy loved me and I felt “seen” and loved by him in a worldly sense, but my heart was not with Jesus, so none of that ultimately satisfied my heart and longing to be loved. I wanted and needed to know that I was loved by JESUS, not man. Jesus was so patient with me; never left my side when I was being disobedient and making decisions that caused me to compromise my purity and devalue myself. He took a girl that truly felt like a shell of human, who didn’t know her likes, dislikes or have any opinions, because she didn’t know her worth - into a woman of God that knows her identity in Jesus as a beloved daughter of the King and knows that ultimately her worth comes from Jesus and Him alone!

If 22 year old Hannah could see herself now she wouldn’t believe it. God truly plucked me out of a hopeless situation, gave me the strength to end the relationship that was turning quickly into marriage & turn my eyes to Him and hold on to Him for strength as my world was about to change forever. For good. 

You see, most people don’t talk to young girls and guys about how important it is to protect their heart at such a young age. The enemy and culture will make it seem like you have to date someone to have it altogether or to feel loved. You don’t. Of course it’s okay to date, but how many times have you or someone you know, put themselves into these horrible relationships that just end up putting them in bondage and depression. It’s because we were never made to find our identity and worth in who we are “with.” If you don’t have Jesus as your number 1, then every relationship will fail, everything you do or try to do to make yourself seem like you have it all together will fail. Trust me, I’ve been there before. 

Jesus is your best friend, your “endgame,” as the kids would say. He will bring the right person along at the right time. I’ve learned over the years to never settle ever again. Very early on Jesus gave me the classic image of me running my race with my eyes fixed on Him and then when the timing is right you can look to the left and the right and notice when God brings that person to run alongside you. That’s what you want to wait for. 

The peace that I felt after ending the relationship, OBEYING what God told me to do and running after Jesus is like nothing I can ever describe. He’s the goal. He’s the prize. 

Again, I give Him all the glory and honor because the person I am today (and still striving to be in Christ) is not who I was. It was by Jesus’s stripes and perfect love that filled and continues to fill all the broken parts of my heart and story. He gave me identity, purpose and meaning. He restored my voice - for so long the enemy was shutting me down to take away my voice. He’s healed me of so much and delivered me of unforgiveness, bitterness, self hatred, rejection wounds; heck, even in the 2 years Jesus completely healed and delivered me from being a hardcore closet feminist. (I say closet feminist cause I didn’t even truly realize that I was one until later on). 

Y’all, naturally coming away from a super unhealthy relationship.. you will come out hurt. I worked through things for awhile and got healing, but it wasn’t until the last year or so where I realized that I allowed the enemy to come in and create new thoughts and strongholds in my mind. Somewhere down the road I ended up, in my brokenness, believing that marriage was a trap and I would end up miserable if I got into one. I could look at the whole Bible and say that I believed everything, except about the part where God says we must submit to our husbands. 

Little did I know I was looking at the passages through the lense of a past hurtful relationship and even the lies that the culture continues to feed you. Somewhere down the line I believed that I knew better than Jesus and that relationships only caused pain. We all know that’s not true!

Everything that God has created is perfect and good: even marriage. His original design is good and it took lots of time with Jesus, being around Godly healthy marriages, healthy leadership and sessions with my Good Girls to truly have the veil lifted off my eyes. Thank you Jesus! 

I can now confidently say that I believe everything that Jesus says. I have a healthy and renewed mindset when it comes to the scriptures about submission and how it honors the Lord. I had such a problem with the word submission, because I was deeply hurt from things from the past and I believed that I couldn’t trust God. I didn’t have that area of my life healed and submitted to Him… I wanted to hold my heart and protect myself. I wanted to be in control. Control and ultimately pride was in my heart. I believed that I knew better when it came to biblical roles and could also protect my heart better than Jesus could. I didnt want to let down my walls again and potentially get hurt. I let that pride well up in me so much that I couldn’t let anyone see me as weak or even think about the word submission. It honestly pissed me off. 

I am so thankful for the Holy Spirit though, who reveals, exposes and helps us supernaturally. Only The Holy Spirit could slowly reveal the ugliness inside my heart over time with the hurt and pride that I had - and then further help me slowly get rid of it! Jesus is so so good! I’m still and will, forever will be in awe on how when you fully surrender your life to Him, or that deep dark part of your life that you want to hold on to cause you are so hurt… He will apply His precious blood and fully heal, restore and deliver you!! He fully delivered me from demonic thinking!! Thank you Jesus!! I am now excited to one day be a wife and mom! The enemy couldn’t take away what the Lord has created and designed!! 

Good Girl has been a huge blessing in my life! The early months of 2023 was when Jesus was really healing the nitty gritty parts of my heart that I had locked up for a long time. Again, with the help of Godly leadership and healthy examples of godly marriage from various people in my life - Jesus used His word and GG community to speak into my life and show me where I need to surrender to Jesus and His Holy Spirit. Only Jesus can truly take a girl full of self hatred, hurt and brokenness and heal her from the inside out! I give Him all the glory.